So I ended up not having my surgery today… yea. I was scheduled to go under at 9 am, so I had to be there for 7:30 to check in and get prepped. Get all the fun stuff done, have my IV placed in my hand (after taking the guy at least ten minutes, easily, to try and get a vein – ugh I swear I have bruises from him flicking the top of my hand so much), and chat with my surgeon about what’s going to happen. Long story short as we’re going over the surgery and how everything will be with the new portacath she reminds me to be extra vigilant with my nurses at Dana-Farber because since I’m on blood thinners, I’ll be prone to getting hematomas around my portacath. The question comes up as to why I’m having a portacath placed when my Hickman is functioning free and clear since my being on a blood thinner right now increases the risk of developing hematomas around the portacath. So Stephanie, it’s your body, what do you think we should do?
How the bleep should I know????!!!!!
Oh, and ps – they just pumped two sedatives up my IV before this question comes up. So clearly I’m in the right place to make a decision about whether or not we should go ahead with my surgery that’s supposed to start in, oh you know, the next five minutes.
So I said no. I figure, as long as my Hickman’s fine why take it out? No, it’s not ideal, and it’s not easy, but I’ve had it for eleven months, obviously I can handle it. The whole blood thinner angle was lost for some reason on my team when deciding to schedule the surgery so I have to admit that was a little disillusioning to realize today. But everybody that I met today that was going to be on my surgery team would come up to me, look at my records, and then ask, “So we’re taking the Hickman out? Is it infected? It’s not? So why are we taking it out?” What makes the most sense, I think, is to leave things as they are until I’m finished with the blood thinner (about three more months) and then I’ll make the switch. That should also coordinate well with the summer when the Hickman is not the nicest thing to look at from a cosmetic perspective. And obviously if something crops up or I change my mind it’s not a big deal to have the surgery lined up again.
The whole thing was just really frustrating for me and I hate having to make last minute decisions like that because then after the fact I can't help but think, did I make the right choice?! With this situation there isn't really a right or a wrong decision to be made so that's good, but also annoying because I'm still questioning myself. I don't like things being so ambiguous and up in the air. And now this surgery is basically just sort of hanging over me until it gets done. Even though I know that this is completely my own ridiculousness, a part of me is like, "what you couldn't even go through with it?!" like I chickened out this morning or something. I know that's not what happened, but I know there's going to be an element of that when I have to tell people (like especially tomorrow in at Dana-Farber) that I decided last minute to opt out of the surgery. Ugh oh well...
and ps - I totally have a bruise coming from my stupid IV on top of my hand... just to taunt me... of course....
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