In the waiting room at Dana Farber on Wednesday a group of older couples were doing cancer comparisons - it's the WORST. It hasn't been my experience too often, but every now and then as you're sitting waiting to be called you'll hear people discussing their situations and I just think it's awful. "Well he was diagnosed x months ago, and the doctor thought it was one thing, but we just thought it was something else, and then it was another thing, so we waited, and then it came back, so we did chemo, and then surgery and then more chemo, and we thought about radiation but decided to wait for radiation so there was more chemo, and then whatever happened randomly so there was more surgery and it went into remission but then it came back..." and on and on and ON. What kind of cancer? What stage? What treatment? What doctor? What insurance? What surgery? What drugs?

For me at least, this has been a very singular experience. I've been lucky in that my diagnosis and treatment were all very direct and straightforward, I never had to really question my doctor or treatment options, it was all fairly automatic. I also haven't encountered too many people in my situation so my weekly Dana Farber visits aren't exactly social hours. I understand that for many people talking is an important way to vent, sort through things, relate. It's an outlet and sharing stories can often prove comforting and reassuring. At the same time though, everyone is different and everybody's cancer is different. It's impossible to compare. That's why I hate hearing people talk about it; they just get so wrapped up in it, the medical mumbo-jumbo, the cell counts, the scans; sometimes it's almost as if it's a competition. I remember at Groton people would basically compete over who had the most work: you'd compare papers, study guides, tests, labs, all to see who had the most work and was therefore the worst off and deserved the most sympathy. It's like that, except with cancer. It's worse too I think because you can't say to someone with cancer "Oh, well you don't have it that bad" so people just throw it all out there not admitting any judgment, even though on the inside you know they're comparing surgeries, chemo, radiation, figuring out who's got the worst. And then when it's all done they just sit there, like, oh that sucks. What are you supposed to say?! I guess that's why I hate it so much, because I really don't think it accomplishes anything. You just compare war stories to then sit and wallow in your cancer.... not very uplifting if you ask me.